When Neil and I were getting ready to record the first episode of MoI in 2010, I propositioned a possible spinoff – a pirate-theme show called “Th’ Marsk o’ Inanna”. It went something like this:
LEN: Aye, me swashbucklin’ days be over. My fair wench Gwen be in the clutches o’ Davie Jones, and I be at th’ ol’ Buccaneer’s home.
DAVID: Awast ye! Cap’n Leonard Allen be ye?
LEN: Who be ye, ye swinish seaman who’s overturned me chamberpot and spilled me grog into it?
DAVID: I be Cap’n David Lerner-Lewis o’ the Good Ship Inanna! We be needin’ a storyman and bardteller as fine as ye’self to inspire th’ crew as we sail about in these waters, makin’ goods o’ our own and takin’ nae crap from no man!
JESSIE: Aye! And I be the First Mate!
SCOTTIE: I be the cabin girl! ‘Til next port when I set sail for Holyoke!
JESSIE: Go rig us another set o’ munitions fer our darin’ escape!
SCOTTIE: Aye aye! Munitions ahoy!
DAVID: Yah, mates! We set sail for the forbidden Land of the Sea Robin, where franchised rest’raunts fear ta tread!
LEN: An’ what d’we do this for?
JESSIE: Doubloons o’ gold!
DAVID: And wenches!
SCOTTIE: And boy wenches!
(Then they sail off and kidnap a ship for a reason I can’t remember.)
DAVID: Aye! What be this ship carryin’? Tis many a spool o’ a strange silk I’ve never seen.
CAPTIVE: It be rubber, good Sir!
SCOTTIE: Rubber, eh? Methinks it has a date wit’ me sewing kit!
(And then Len tells an alternate version of “By the Brake Lights’ Red Glare“)
LEN: But ye see… the East India men had a trick o’ their own. Ol’ Abe’s ship had struck theirs fair and true no doubt. But thar was no one inside! The India men had a’taken to leavin’ it out as warnin’ to all noble pirates not to be a-plunderin’ their waters. And so ol’ Abe was let free to his wife and his wenches. A happier man ye never saw!
(And then Bob Stroud attacks their vessel.)
STROUD: Not so fast! I be takin’ the old man fer meself. And not in that way! Take yer heads outta th’ gutters and fill ‘em with grog!
Yeah, that’s as far as I got.